Signalis means so much to me.
Ariane
One of my favorite characters in the game is Ariane Yeong, the person Elster (the character you play as) is searching for the entire time. Ariane’s life is shaped by being punished for difference… She loves art and literature in a society that devalues both; she looks different. Because of this, she’s isolated, bullied, and eventually pushed toward the military as a way to seek correction
Her experience feels deeply queer to me, in a lived way. Being told that who you are is inconvenient. That your interests, your softness, your way of existing take up the wrong kind of space. And what. The solution is removal? How is that fair?
Penrose
Ariane ends up being tasked to go on the Penrose mission, where she is to go off into space on her own (with an android companion), looking for new planets. The Penrose mission looks like freedom. A way out. A chance to leave everything behind and start over somewhere far enough away that no one can reach you. But the name itself, however, gives it away.
Penrose
Like the Penrose triangle, this trip is something impossible. A mission dressed up as purpose, but really meant to quietly get rid of people who do not fit.
I think Ariane knew that, but volunteered to go on this mission to feel free.
Not alone
What gets me is that her freedom does not come from being alone. Despite the fact that they were not supposed to interact, Ariane gets close to her android companion.
That’s the part that keeps looping back to my own life.
I hate how creating a life built entirely around self protection starts to feel like a slow disappearance. It just feels so lonely, but I’m just scared.
I hate how when things go my way, it still feels lonely and scary.
I think about that a lot. Especially when I am scared. Especially when I want something anyway. I just like her too much.